Speaking of ice...

Happy snow day!

The view from the office window about 20 minutes after it started!

On campus... Bipolar TX weather.

Home

Park across the street.

Me, John, and Peter's E.T. snowman!

... and E.T. about 3 seconds later.

Fun day :]

Through Fire and Ice

I changed the name of my blog... again. I've been having issues finding something that really meant something to me. And this... well, it isn't exactly what I had in mind. Let's face it-- Revelation 3 doesn't make you feel warm fuzzies like unicorns and puppies, which are much more my taste. But, this is something that's really been on my heart lately. I have been living a lukewarm life. How depressing to know that God, my Savior and redeemer who showers me with undeserved grace, mercy, and unconditional love, would rather me be cold and not care at all than just be comfortable. I need to be uncomfortable! I need to be out of my comfort zone and speaking to those who make me nervous and doing things I don't feel good enough for. I need to quit worrying about how I feel and do what He calls me to... and when I don't know what that is, I need to pray more and listen better. So, this is the next chapter in my walk; through fire and ice. Reminding me where I'm going, while reminding me that I'll never quite be there. It's something I need to constantly be running to. I'd greatly appreciate your prayers. Please also continue to pray for my family. The divorce is actually underway now, and things are ugly. I guess the meaning of my blog is twofold; not only will it be about my spiritual temperature, but even the hot and cold parts of my life. Right now is an icy period, but things will warm up!

False gospels and having a boyfriend who is way better than me.

Every time I go to school, my blog suffers :[

I'm having issues. On campus the other day, there was this guy. He was waving a Bible around in the air and yelling at people to repent. Demonstrations like these give me mixed feelings.

1) They make me feel guilty. I am a Christian. I should support that guy. Instead, I just want to run away.

BUT

2) He only yells about judgement. Not hope. So... does that make it a false gospel?

I have some friends that aren't Christians, but sometimes we get into discussions about it. I like the conversation when John's around. He constantly surprises me with how much knowledge (and even wisdom!) he has. He makes me proud and it makes me happy... but it also makes me envy his confidence. As soon as he's gone, I'm sunk. My head can't remember any of the things I know and feel in my heart. I catch myself saying "yeah, I know what you mean" or "I don't know" a lot. But... do I really not know? Or do I just not know how to say it? Sometimes I do understand where they're coming from, but that doesn't mean I agree... so why is it so hard to say? I'm not ashamed. They know where I stand. I just think I'm scared maybe? I don't know as much and I'm not as good as John. I'd rather him tackle all the heavy discussion. What if I say something wrong? I just feel safer not saying anything at all, but it makes me uncomfortable. I know that's not what I'm called to do.

How do I speak? And what do I say? I've heard people say God gives them the words when the time comes. Where are mine?

I think sometimes I still expect God to work like a magic trick. He's magically going to speak to me and I'm magically going to have a script flash in front of my eyes and then I'll magically know everything and everything will magically be perfect. Clearly this is ridiculous, but what should I expect? I want to make disciples, but I'm scared I'm not good enough. Well, no one will ever be good enough... maybe I'm more scared I'm not strong enough. Please pray for me. I want to be confident. I want to be bold. I want to do my job.